Tuesday, 25 July 2017

Silver wedding anniversary

Today would have been our 25th wedding anniversary. We had already been looking ahead to it and discussing how to celebrate. We'd been discussing whether to have a celebratory "do" with family and friends and/ or a romantic break away for the two of us. Today would have been so special. Instead it is quiet, grey and empty, just another day.
I woke up at 3.30 this morning unable to sleep. After lunch I will go back to bed  and sleep out the rest of the day. Losing someone is devastating but trying to live the rest of your life without them when you miss them so much just completely breaks you.
I am trying to carry on, to live-my-life-because-that's-what-Kev-would have wanted-blah-blah-blah.
But not today.

6 comments:

  1. Here's hoping something or someone happens by to improve the day for you.

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  2. Hi Kirsten, It did get better, flowers arrived from my lovely sons and a friend came around with flowers and to ask me to a meal out on Thursday. I do have great family and friends thankfully:) Hope you are OK?

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  3. Dear Sue I feel for you and have no words to offer which could make a difference.
    Anniversaries are the most difficult part of the process (and it is a process) but they are also a chance to remember the good anniversaries you shared.
    It must feel as though it will never get easier, but it does and one way you will know you are becoming reconciled to your loss is when you start living your life not because Kev would have wanted you to, but because you want to.
    For what it's worth I never feel you should make yourself do something if you really don't want to, but let people give their advice and let it wash over you until you hear something you can latch on to.
    Little glimmers of light will eventually lead to full daylight again, and with a bit of luck even sunshine,
    Blessings

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  4. Thanks Ray, as you see from the above, the day did get slightly better. I am very lucky to have the support I do have and I am looking forward to going out to the meal on Thursday (and then I am going on holiday with a friend who is also widowed Saturday.)
    Today has been very hard though. Since Kev died, I've literally had heartache all the time. It has dulled from a tearing pain to a feeling like a stone lodged in my chest -
    more like a constant heaviness rather than actual pain.Today it went back to the tearing pain and physical ache which reminded me of the early days. I don't know when this physical sensation of heartache/ heaviness will lift. I really feel it is wearing me down.

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  5. It sounds as if you are suffering from depression Sue, that leaden feeling is one I'm familiar with.
    Maybe it would be worth taking something like St John's Wort for a while to see if that would help. I know some people recommend anti=depressants but personally I feel they do more harm than good in the long run. Just a thought.

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  6. I've been on medication to help with sleeping problems and panic attacks but am coming off that at the moment.My GP says grief is not depression. I suppose St John's Wort is worth a try, especially if it helps me sleep.

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