Wednesday, 26 April 2017

Out-of-the-blue blues

It's so weird how you think you are starting to cope and then you feel you are back at square one. After a busy and coping weekend, I woke up Monday morning and felt complete shock and lethargy, it was incredibly hard to get out of bed. It made me ask myself if I've really faced up to things  or not. I just spent the whole day in a daze and was a bit of a wreck, even almost seven months up the road I can't believe that he won't just walk in. I wonder where he is. My stupid brain takes every sound at the door or car up the road to be his homecoming. I've also been having dreams again, not the really bad ones, just ones where everything is alright or where I am searching for him- usually in places we used to visit, shopping centres, holiday locations, National Trust properties, you name it, I am looking.
Think I'll be searching and looking for the rest of my life.


  1. Dear Suem, It's so touching to read these small stories from the inside of your life as it is right now. The major sentence here can be covered by that line alone: to be one when there used to be two.
    No one can really fathom that, me neither, what that is like until you are living it, I suppose. We often underestimate what that kind of shock does to us mentally and physically. Paul says that we need not grieve like those who have no hope, but grieve we must. I don't think you will be searching all your life, Kevin is a part of you, but in heart and mind. I read your next post too, life goes on i some strange fashion. Blessings to you!!
    Thank you for sharing this with us!

  2. Hi Fairtrader,
    Thank you and bless you for commenting. These posts don't really require a response unless you want to. I just find writing it down helps somehow but I worry that it might seem like I am looking for sympathy or something and I blog mainly for myself at the moment- and indeed always have.
    Blessings to you too.

    1. No worries, I can easily understand that writing helps. I often give a small book to people I speak to when they have troubled minds, and tell them to write down their thoughts and feelings and view them in the light. Keep writing, Suem, it helps !!!