Monday, 6 February 2017

Feeling down

The probate grant/ letter of administration arrived this week so up town today to sort things out. Bitterly cold and the shops full of valentines cards. Horrible to have to sort this crap out, banks and building societies want copies of death certificates, marriage certificates, wills, driving licence, utility bills all the usual as well as endless  forms to fill in.
Felt totally wretched. Only good news was the bank as soon as they saw the grant of probate were happy to transfer the ISA with them immediately into my current account so I wouldn't go overdrawn or have to borrow money from my son. Relieved-  but then I should think so, we've been with them decades.Later on I got a call from the bank to say I'd left my debit card behind so had to borrow money for this week from lovely eldest son anyway!  Next on the list was to visit two building societies, first relatively straightforward, the second was a nightmare, wouldn't sort it out with me until a financial adviser was free and wanted endless documents, they were like that just to close the account back last year so I wasn't surprised.
Got home and felt totally low and alone.I hate financial stuff and I hate certificates and having to write down dates of marriages, deaths on bloody forms.The whole day left me feeling just deeply sad and low.
 I think I am going to have to be firm and resolute in the future about  looking out for myself and my family and putting us first- sometimes you just have to - because really nobody is going to do it for me.


  1. This is monday, you know Suem!! Good things hardly happend on mondays. I am sad about that heavy and dark feeling that grief causes you and angry about the cold, straight facts of paperwork and regulations you have to face when in need of support and someone saying: "see here, I can do this for you now and the rest we can leave for a while, it can wait" I am happy though that your youngest came to visit, that he is finding his own way to cope with this, growing up quickly and yet not, laundrybags considdered, having you welcoming this girlfriend with joy! Life is so confusing, Suem. God didn't give us any manual , at least not one to cover for everything. Or perhaps he did. There is nothing wrong with fending for oneself in times of hardship, I can't see that the gospel has anything to do with it, you are not turning your back on anyone, you are just trying hard to survive in a tough situation.
    Soon you will have finished these wretched documents. We'll pray for strenght and for helping hands, perhaps you have more than you think! I for one hardly ever ask for help, not always the best way.
    Bless you, sister, hold on!!

  2. I think I am just starting to go through the phase irrational anger (or maybe just anger, is it so irrational?), Fairtrader. The young woman in the difficult building society did try to sort it out today for me but in the end had to ask me to come back to see their financial adviser next week. At the end she smiled brightly and said "well, I've learnt a lot about all this stuff to do with wills and probates today"- and for a moment I really wanted to slap her! I seem to get in a very dark place some days and just have to try to remember that there at the moment there are some very bad days but also some better days (like yesterday.) I am afraid I am turning my back on some people, but only on those who have turned their back on me, fair enough isn't it? I have to remember that there are also those who have offered support and kindness, I am very lucky in my family and in a number of friends, neighbours and colleagues who have been kind. And I definitely don't ask for help either, no it isn't always the best way but it is the way I am. I will hold on though, and I will get through it all, we have no choice in life do we? Thanks for your thoughts:)

  3. No anger is not irrational. It is entirely natural and given your circumstances I'm amazed you are holding it together so well.
    I remember only too well the feeling of drowning in a sea of paper. My problems were simple compared with yours, and i had a wonderful finance-savvy friend and neighbour who took over and guided me through the maze.
    Even so, there were days (sometimes weeks) when I wanted to crawl into a dark corner for ever.
    Please don't turn your back on anyone who offers help, it is amazing how even small kindnesses can restore your spirits.
    Bless you and will redouble prayers.

  4. Thanks Ray, I hate the financial stuff but I think- hope anyway- that I've done it quite well. I don't turn my back on offers of help or small kindnesses, it is more the asking for help that is difficult or coping when those I thought might help are just very absent. But I am focusing on those who have been kind, maybe I should blog about them :)

  5. Just caught up on reading this post. Sorting out the legal and financial stuff after a death is tiring in itself, even without the natural anger, sadness and tiredness that accompanies grief. You must put your own needs and those of your family first at this time and let others help you where they can. Prayers for you and yours.

  6. Glad to see you have been getting help and wise counsel from friends and bloggers. I hope the end of the financial papers is near.