Sunday, 15 January 2017

Sunday lunch

Today I went to Manchester for a meal and meet up with some members of a bereavement support group designed for people widowed (relatively) young. I was in two minds and even considered opting out this morning. I don’t get particularly daunted at the thought of meeting strangers, so it wasn’t that that put me off. It was more the general lack of motivation that almost stopped me; everything just seems too much effort and somehow pointless. Yet I really felt that I needed some contact with others who are in the same situation as me; although I can’t complain about the kindness of many of my friends and acquaintances, I rarely meet anyone who even begins to understand the huge, life changing event of losing a spouse.
I was very glad I went, the journey and finding the place was no problem and I found it very easy as well as a huge relief to talk to people in a similar situation and hear their stories as well as be able to tell my own. You can't be too gloomy when sharing a meal and most of the conversation was about topics such as family, work, weather, there was a lot of laughter and it was just sociable. I also felt quite pleased that I had managed to take what might seem a small step but is at least a step, perhaps forward.
The group makes an effort to ensure events are not too pricey as a lot of people face financial difficulties when bereaved, especially when children are still young, mortgages have not been repaid, pensions are not yet being drawn. A three course carvery meal cost seven pounds per head, which was great value, the train ticket (return) was only £7.60 and the venue was in easy walking distance of the station. I am needing to be more aware of what I spend myself and a day out for less than fifteen pounds is a pretty good deal.  There was a group going shopping in Manchester afterwards, I just did some window shopping, there is nothing I need and I am not a great shopper anyhow.

So many people commented on how they would find it hard to go home to a dark, empty house at the end of the day. It made me glad to be one of those who has offspring still at home for some company. There is no shortcut through the pain and loneliness of losing your life companion, but there are people to reach out to and that is good.


  1. Hold that thought Sue and you're half way there.
    No-one ever can fully understand how another person feels, we are all very individual in our reactions, but mutual support and social contact can play a huge part in how we survive our losses.
    Human beings are at heart pack animals, and however strong we may think we are we all benefit from the love and warmth of our peers.
    Blessings as you take your next step.

  2. I'm glad to hear you found the group, Sue. Some stuff is just better done with friends. Good for you.

  3. Thanks Penelope, I'm finding old friends seem to be drifting away a bit, maybe because they are all in couples and now I am not. I will try to maintain friendships I already have but I think I'll do that better if I also reach out for some new ones.

  4. I don't want to sound trite, but I am truly glad that you have found the bereavement group and that they have found you. I hope it helps as you go through the difficult and scary months ahead.